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tylenold:

how do i lose weight quickly and easily and also how do i gain the ability to fly and breathe fire and how do i cheat death 

(via jocelynthegoose)

Source: tylenold
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holynipples:

if the purge was happening in real life you would see murders and rape and then you’d see me like

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(via jocelynthegoose)

Source: holynipples
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nevermore191:

Hamlet: Man delights not me—

Horatio: That’s not what you said last night, my lord.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: WHAT.

(via lauriehalseanderson)

Source: nevermore191
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neongenesisevangelistchurch:

WEARING A NEW PAIR OF SKINNY JEANS FOR THE FIRST TIME

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(via sassbuttcas)

Source: neongenesisevangelistchurch
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silversora:

"Dave.."

"Fuck off Shaun I am taking a picture."

"DAVE."

(via panicatdespain)

Source: stigmartyr762
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thisragingpeace:

cassiel-the-loyal:

rpgmaker:

thatbatterisaspy:

hairandbeardkommando:

punks not dead

Heosemys spinosa is an endangered species.

punks almost dead

That is not a Heosemys Spinosa,its a Graptemys nigrinoda.

they are in the low risk list, therefore, not endangered.

Punks not as almost dead as we thought.

(via panicatdespain)

Source: sinyasiki
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themishamigosofthemishapocalypse:

worthyourweightinfanfiction:

kingatticus:

distinctmemory:

charliexxx:

distinctmemory:

charliexxx:

thatsnotwatyourmomsaid:

WHY

THE ENTIRE SCHOOL WOULD HATE YOU

JINGLE JINGLE, MUTHERFUCKER.

It’s almost as bad as mum season.

What the fuck is a mum?

OH MY GOD. IS IT REALLY A TEXAS ONLY THING?!

For Homecoming, students make these THINGS from HELL that have excess amounts of ribbons and bells and they wear them all the time. They are usually placed on prize winning livestock, but somehow they made their way into schools. They have huge mums at the top, and they just get bigger and bigger each year. Sometimes they are completely covered in them. One day the students are just going to morph into one.

You knew when the season was coming because you could hear a horrifying jingle in the distance while you sleep.

They cost hundreds of dollars to make, or buy pre-made for the bigger ones. The bigger the better, and the more souls you sacrificed to get it.

What the fuck, Texas?

You don’t understand: homecoming is serious business here.

Also… is this REALLY a Texas only thing?

1. What the hell is your definition of a mum all I can see is these kids carrying their mothers around on their backs 24/7

2.  I thought Homecoming was like a big dance at the end of the year, like Prom?? Why is there livestock at homecoming??? I dont understand???????

whAT THE FUCK IS A MUM IN THIS CONTEXT I’M SO CONFUSED

Mum is short for chrysanthemum here

(via sassbuttcas)

Source: urbanmelody
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creepyjirachi:

shouldn’t it concern people that kids get more excited about not going to school than about christmas or their own birthdays

(via sassbuttcas)

Source: creepyjirachi
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rachelovesklaine:

Cards Against Humanity is where you learn which of your friends are basic and which ones are sociopaths there is no in between

(via butimnotinyour)

Source: rachelovesklaine
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